Earlier this year I developed a typical sinus infection. The pressure became too much to bear despite all the remedies I tried. In the end, the only thing that would solve the problem was a prescription to treat the root cause of the problem. A few days after getting a prescription from my doctor, all was well.
Reflect for a moment on how you resolve conflict in your home, workplace or the like. When someone angers you, do you step back to consider the root cause of the problem or do you treat the symptoms? If you are anything like me, you are tempted to react to the symptoms – the words or actions of the offending party. This may provide some temporary relief, as does blowing your nose when you have a sinus infection. The root cause of the conflict, the infection, goes unaddressed though and is left to flare up again another day. Probing about the root cause seems like opening pandora’s box. Pandora’s box sounds scary so I succumb to short sighted thinking, focusing on what will bring quickest relief and allow me to carry on with the task. I lose focus on people and the long-term benefits of healthy, honest and transparent relationships.
As I have challenged myself and coached others to resolve conflict by identifying and treating the root cause, the most common objections I hear are that it is too time consuming or too messy. The truth for many of us is that if we can avoid or temporarily alleviate conflict, that is enough. We do not care enough about the relationship to go further whatever the cost. We are not interested in genuinely resolving conflict. We are content to turn a blind eye to the infection that keeps rearing it’s ugly head, whether that infection is in us or others.
What would it look like for you to identify and treat infections that are the source of conflict? How about becoming better at conflict resolution with an eye towards fostering deeper and more meaningful relationships that are based on honest and transparent discussions about what is really going on? Is it worth the trouble? Do you care enough about the people?
Comments are closed.